There is no such thing as too much of chocolate and too many women!!

Friday, April 29, 2005

101 New Messages

I'm about to sleep and my mobile fone blinks in pitch black darkness. WTF, not another SMS spam. I don't want to download a"Nuvvu naato ikada thudu" ringtone nor do i want to take Rahul Dravid on a date, and I am quite happy with my bike, I dont need no maruti car that u give everyday. Me want to go to sleep.
Ever since Hutch has made SMS free within its network, I have found new admirers in my frends who refuse to sleep without smsing me gudnite at 2:00AM.
and then there is the friggin question aire senders, whoput ur gray cells to test with questions like
"Would you save the one you love or someone who loves you?"
.....Halllooo ppl, I am no beauty and this aint no beauty pageant.....Y the f*&^ are u askin me this.....all i ask of is some sleep.

What is worse is the crapyola like sms messages u get....
the following is a prayer from the lakshmipathy balaji temple.
Om LalluSonia namaha
Malllika kapde nahin pahanaha
Tu jaa doob maraha
If u dont send this message to 10 ppl, bad luck will fall upon u.

Y dont u realise, if i sent it to 10 ppl, i wud be charged 10 friggin bucks, which is as bad as any bad luck.
Puhleeeeeeeeeeeeesssssss.........I beg of u all spamers, I do not want to win prizes, I dont care a rats ass abt Chiranjeevi Ringtones and I believe God is within and dont need no prayer from AbeyKuruvilla temple to get rid of my bad luck syndrome.
..........I simply fail to wonder the situation when Hutch decides to make all otugoing frm Hutch to hutch free.........
last thing i want at 2 in the night is creeepy female voice tellin me "My Rohit, we have a wunderful washing machine which cud be yours if u answer the following 3 questions..."
One tight Slap.....
*how peaceful were those days when there were no mobile phones.......How so peaceful........

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Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Be right Byaaack

This is the longest vacation i ever took from blogging I guess...hmm cant blame me though. Well considering the fact that I have no exams to study for, no more college to go to, no more CAT coaching classes to attend and Nothing else to do, how do u expect me to find time for blogging. Actually I wudnt even have bothered putting this post up, but then Sita so graciously printed this Obituary of me n my blog, that it was time to remind u earthly beings of my existence.
The Rohit phenomenon is not over yet. I will be back, in an hour, a day, a week or a month......but I sure will be back........
Actually, I think its now time to spruce this blog up a bit.....maybe start posting everyday n stuff.....hmmm......nice proposition.
but or now, lemme get back to what i was doin......"Nothing"......aand when I am done....I shall be right back.

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Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Superhero

This is a story of a world where there are a lot of women, and no men. there is also one more thing that is in plenty in this land.... Technology. I have been brought up to learn the hard fact that women and technology simply do not go hand in hand....they simply dont.
Now comin back to my story, in this wonderland, with the advent of technology and the lack of understanding of technology by women lead to a lot of problems......they lived in darkness cos some of em dint know how to change a light bulb, some froze to death in winter, cos they refused to understand how the friggin AC cud be switched off......well we are talkin of the 80% female population of this world here.....the 80% who simply fail to understand technology......NOw this population tries its best to face the problem, but with the situation aggravating by the day, it was time to do what they do best......So a bunch of jokers walk upto a mandir and matha thekafy in front of the bhagwaaan....they pray for safety they pray for a rakshak.
*Thunder blazes, lightning strike, and more thunderr rumbles.....(Fullto Filmi style)....and then it begins to rain...and rain hard.......and then another lightning strikes and a Voila...A super Hero is born.......Bhagwaaan ne unki sun lee...(sun lee for the unkown souls is not Bruce lee brother...it is hindi for "heard it")...the Super Hero had an R on his T shirt....and do I also have to bother tellin u who the Hero was??......yes ppl obviously it was RAMU.....the favourite name in the 70's.
NOw Ramu was sent to earth to help the pooor technologically challenged women change their ways......within 15 minutes of his entry, he is posed with 378564 problems.....NOw Ramu the super hero needs to devote enuff time to all of these problems...so in total Class2 style, he says..."Finger on ur lips, stand in line.....mantain one hand distance.......and come one by one..."
IN 3 days he spends, he is posed with all kinds of questions ranging from...."will a virus laden floppy send virus to another floppy if i keep em next to each other???'
"Where do i find a caps Unlock key?...."
"which side of CD shud face down?"
and not to mention the various dumb answers he got to queries he posted to them...
Super hero: How much RAM do u have?
Ans: 3, One in sittin room, 2 in Puja room....oh 1 Ram poster in kitchen also
Superhero:What is ur connection speed?
Ans: My connection speed is verrrrry fast......(pppl u have a number system with units to describe ur speed)
Superhero:What Bus does ur motherboard support?
Ans....errr.......aheem....I think u were gramtically wrong, but i understood ur query....I am smart.......My mother no boarding bus sirrr....she have her car.....oh but if car break down. she board 24E....

this was it.....Mr.Superhero cudnt take it any more....he goes back to the same mandir and also matha thekafys......prays brays, confesses....does everything...........and waits for miracle to happen........"Please take me back God...this is not the Job of 1 superhero.....I need back up..and if u cant take me back.....then atleast send back up.....puhleeeeeesss send backup..."
Again lightining strikes....thunder rumbles...and all the above mentioned steps take place.....and a new Superhero is born...and another one...and another.........SOoon, God created a superhero for every Female on planet earth.......One superhero to help em all...one superhero to save em.....and collectively, he called them.....MAN.
This my friends is the closesly gaurded truth about evolution...and all that evolution crap that charles darwin gave is complete bull crap.......

Oh now before any of u female fraternity burn up my blog....lemme say there are always exceptions.....ofcourse I know women who can reprogram the Ipod to play wma and attract3....I also know women who cangenerate electricity from a potato.....and above all, I know a lot of femme....who can Blog.......and nothing is more challenging thatn to blog.
These were the few exceptions.....that wud anyway exist....hehe but the rest....well.....for the rest, we have the superheros.......
* proposes toast...to all the women who read this blog.....welcome to the technically brilliant lot.......it takes skill to understand my blog anyway.....

P.s:the last comment was the "save my ass, save my blog" comment...hehehe

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Thursday, April 14, 2005

Memo to Stephen Covey.
A win/win situation only exists in utopia and not in this purgatory. In reality, people are inherently selfish and utilitarian, user-friendly individuals who suddenly remember your name when they need something from you. On other days when they don’t need anything from you they can’t even remember your first name. That thought brings me to a syllogistic deduction: If you are needed, you exist. If you are not needed, you are left for dead. Someone please Latinize that phrase for me.

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Friday, April 08, 2005

National integration......

U know what i love the most about India? The very fact that 1 billion people from different religions, races and castes co exist.....and coexist in the most sweet manner. I mean, leave aside a few stray incidents like the godhra or the riots in Mumbai....these were all politicaly motivated ones....adn for a country with a population of 1 billion, 1 riot in 10 years is acceptable.comin back to the point, this integration, is visible everywhere u go, in the malls, in the apartments, in the nukkads...almost everywhere.......but today, iwanna talk abt this bonding in a diff place altogether....
How many of u have travelled by train to chennai?.....if any of u have, u will understand my point even better. the train zooms into Chennai early in the morning, around say 8:00Am, but before that, it passes through some remote areas of Tamil Nadu. The point is at 7:00 in the morning, we have people, goin at their morning activities...and in remote places like these, open fields are a replacement for the shit pots...
Hmm...what a sight it is...I must tell u. 15 people sitting in a row, with nothing more than a lotta(a small copper vessel/plastic in this case...to hold water...Phirangs, imagine liquid toilet paper please) in hand, chatting away to glory,.....ohand i forgot...also attending to the natures call(slang for shit..as if shit was not slang enuf). Robert, Hari, Illias, GuruGobind and Thomas.....all of them stitting next to each other oblivious to what the world is doin.........go ahead with their duties.
best part, they wave at you when the train passes by.....simply amazing it is.....
this is where the true spirit of national integration lies......and this is eggjactly wht i tried to capture during a painting competition at school.......but alas my principal never agreed with it....i was asked to bring my parents for drawing "obscene pictures"......Now, where is the vulgarity in national integration i ask u......simply fail to understand.....

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Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Alien Abduction!

Have you ever been abducted by an alien??.....Well, I have. Last evenming, 3 aliens walked into my house disguised a 3 friends of mine and took me along with them to their spaceship....It was this huge place, full with lights and all. they also had about 100 seats to seat all the abducted human souls.The space ship also had an entry charge of 60 bucks and this was not inclusive of a wierd food they served ....something called popkorn......
The spaceship was huge...really huge...at first i was reallly excited but then the nightmare began.the lights dimmed slowly and the spaceship became dark, and suddenly this huge screen in front of the chairs lit up....it lit up to two words....
"TANGO CHARLIE"
and voila, I knew this wud be the most ominous torture i wud ever have to go thru. Two people who cannot act, a gurl who cus well serve as a cl;own in the Russian circus, a story that a two year old cud have written better and lot of shouting and blood shedding later, the torture came to an end.....The lights came on..and i thot it was all over.....but heck no...These aliens were the sympathetic lot.....they give u a break btwn their tortures..and in this break they feed you with more crappy substances that make u lose control over ur self will....and then, they begin the procedure all over again....
More bad actors, more crappy stories, more unbeautiful women......I cud not hndle it anymore..my head was spining, my throat was goin dry, two more minutes and I wud become one of them........so i decided to take a chance and run, escape call it whatever u want to.........I carpe diem(sieze the oppurtnity), and ran for my lfe....I have never driven so fast to get home...like i did yest.......
I survived an alien abduction.....I doubt if the others in the sapceship did.....really do doubt it!

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Saturday, April 02, 2005

Make love.......

I have carried a post before on how we Indians mess up the queens language....and i thot v were the best at it when we used sentences like, "Am i a father or a mother" to find out if I have a son or a daughter..............I thot so until i came accross this guy from Iran.
What u r about to witness is a tale of Love, a tale of rejection, a tale of suppression and a tale of Lust rolled into one......basically a hatke story.
Once upon a time, in a land far far away called basheerbagh, there was this college called Nizam college, where people from diff countries happen to cnstitute a major part of the population. admist this whole set of foriegn students ws this dude from iran, lets call him Kyupid...and at the end we can also call him styupid......but nywasy comin to the point.......I thin this story wud better be told if i said it from Kyupids perspective....
P.s: All the typos u see now aint the resultof bad typing....its jus the way he writes....the dude writes english the way he says it...so...no offends..
One day, I cum to kolej and i c this gul walking in the tree. my hart went lost seeing the gul of my dreems....she was a butiful gul n i no that she be my gf..
so i ask her out.....
Kyupid: hey, will u go moveee?
Gurl: what moveee?
Kyupid:I want to take u for moveee...will u go movee ??
(Now the gurl likeshim as a frend...but certainly doesnt want him as Boyfrend)
Gurl:NO I have to study u c....i have exams comin up
Kyupid:...but only 1 moveee i ask...u no go 1 movee wimeee...what??
Gurl:See dude...I have to study, i cant waste time on movie....after exams i will come with u for movie
Kyupid: ok live it....
Gurl:Live it??....live what???
Kyupid:no, live it...live it
Gurl:Live what ????
Kyupid:Live the movie
Gurl:what live the movie....how can i live the movie...?
Kyupid:SO u no live the movie...u go movie with me??/
gurl:U meant leave it??.....oh my gaaawd....
Gurl:NO NO ON....I cant come for movie with u now!!!

cut to scene 2 of conversation....now guy decides to propose to the gurl

Kyupid:U know watt?
gurl:yeah, i do....did he not make the electric bulb??
Kyupid:No no...not thaat watt, i am sayin my watt
Gurl:Ur watt,what is ur watt?.....(*thinks iski watt lag gayi)
Kyupid:U know u c me as frend. i see u as frend...but inside hart of me, i make love to u
Gurl.WHAT????(* astonished at the guts that he has to reeal his fantasies)
Kyupid:yes...I laff with u ...but in hart and mind i will make love to u only..aalways
Gurl is speechless
Kyupid:I want u as my gurl frend, and i praamis to make love to u always...
Gurl.....its time to call the cops look
Kyupid:U no make love to me....atleast one u must have think abt makin loe to me ...
Gurl:NO I never ever thot of makin love to u.....
GUrl:I dont think u understand...i like u as a feend...GF is not my thingy for u...
Kyupid:okie ive it then
kyupid:I think i made love 1 time...but u fail it for me....now i no make love again......love make is only in movies...
kyupid:I am sari i thot u also make love to me...
Gurl:Gaaawd help me outta here....

Well well well....Moral of the story is....When an irani guy wants to make love to u....it means he is in love with u...do not misunderstand him...
the above storyis inspired from incidents that occured in real life...
all charecters bear resemblance to someone living or dead....and do not think it is purely coincidental........
I wish a gurl fomr iran camme and tol me..
Rohit...i want to make love ot u ....
hmmm

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