We can Taalk english, waalk English, Loff Englsh....bherry phunny it is!!!

When Indians speak the Queen's language, it isn't usually the way
the British
understand it! So we all know about the Malayali who `zimbly' crossed the
road
and went to `koledj.' And the Gujarati who asked for `snakes' at a Udipi
joint.
And the Punjabi who bought a new `Mrruti 800'. And the Bengali who lost
all data on his computer because he didn't `shave' them...

English, like Amitabh Bachchan observed in Namak Halal, is a funny
language. "I can talk English, I can walk English, I can laugh English,"
said the Big B. How true! The Queen's language, along with Hindi,
is probably what bridges several diverse Indian communities as the most
convenient means of communication. But on its own, English attains a
comical effect when used by most of us, who belong to different communities.
Hampered by strong mother-tongue interference, we struggle with alphabets
that either
twist our tongue or slip across it.

"Do you know that certain communities are not comfortable with
certain alphabets?" asks Jyoti Parikh, teacher and avid people-watcher.
"Like Maharashtrians have a problem with the alphabet F, while they also
share an almost equal aversion to anything sounding `sh' with the
Gujaratis."
So there's Mr Patkar having major `confujan' while filling up his
club membership
`pharm,' while Mr Patel is troubled by what his wife has served him for
dinner - `begdis.'

"But some have a fixation with a particular alphabet," says Parikh. Like
the Malayali from Malad who likes to emphasise the `r' and complains
about the poor `waterr' supply in his building. Poor guy, he doesn't get
enough to bathe with his favourite `Lex' soap. And, mind you, he is highly
qualified - `Yum A' in literature! By the way, Y is a favourite alphabet,
whose popularity cuts across all South Indian communities, especially
since they aren't very fond of alphabets M and E. So don't be surprised if
you
encountered anybody from the South who's seen a strange movie called
"Yenter The Dragon"

But when it comes to who's the boss, the Tamilian swears by his
`bass,' while the Malayali sticks to his `bose.' The Tamilian, you see,
loves the sound of a `ya' or `aa' at the end of a sentence. "Ready-aa?" he
may
ask. On the other hand, the Malayali may prefer to ask things in a
negative tone - "It's very hot, no?"

But the Gujarati from Ghatkopar doesn't particularly like the sound
of the alphabet `A.' So he may shock a shopkeeper by asking
him to `rape' (wrap) a few samosas for him. And then at home, he hears
his wife telling the neighbour, "Maro dikro states ma udi gayo." It takes
him a while to realise that his son has not flown to the US, but has
simply failed his stats (or statistics) test at school...


Okay, so the objective of littering around so many examples about
the usage of English by different communities is not to make fun of
them. It is just to show how English, while an integral part of our daily
life in a
cosmopolitan city like Hyderabad, has been moulded to suit cultural
convenience and basic communication requirements of a diverse
population. Of course, it's also a fact that how our Sindhi neighbour
or Bihari boss or Goan friend talk in the Queen's language is often a source
of
entertainment.

Indian English is here to stay. But for those who pride on their
convent education, think again. Why do we say that our parents are "pulling
on well" when asked about them? Surely, our parents are not a pair of
bullocks, right? And what do we say when somebody asks whether we are
keeping
good health? After all, you don't keep good health, you enjoy it.

Now, go on, listen to `pope' music, bite into a `pijja' and chumma enjoy
life.
`Wokay?'

Tsunami, Tsunami, Tsunami

Life in this mortal coil. If terrorist don't get you, tsunamis will.

I wake up to more harrowing news that my Southeast Asian neighbors have been hit by killer tsunami waves (30 foot waves at 400 kph) ripping up people, beaches and towns in Thailand,Indonesia, Sri Lanka, and India. The 8.9 earthquake has been upgraded to 9.0 making it the most powerful earthquake to rock this planet since the 1900s.There's more death and destruction than previously imagined. Even the island of my dreams, the Maldives is reportedly under water. I can't think of a worst way to die than be swallowed by the Tyronasaurus Rex of the Ocean. With waves like that, sunbathers will be swept away and slammed into the infernal ocean while snorkellers/divers/fishing vessels will be pummeled onto the shore. Either which way, there's no escape from these fuckers.

I'm still trying to contact friends who went to Maldives for a holiday. Hope they didn't make any excursions to this beach. I hope they are ok.

Tragic kingdom. With the new year just around the corner, it feels like the end of days.

Guess who's back

Guess Who's Back,
Back Again!
Guess Who's back, Guess who's back, Guess who's back......

yes, Im Back.
7days, 300 bootiful women, 6 sleepless nights and Mumbai.....for once, IIT rocked. If u thot the nerds at IIt dint know how to party, U were right. Cos all that they did was, arrange the place to party. the rest was taken care of by us, the noon IITians....Boy did that place rock or what.
Nowhere else in this country wud u find people(read boys n gurls n more gurls) playing a game of football together at 2:45 in the night..
Nowhere else wud u find people thronging a college cnteen for a chinese chejuwan(eggjactly how they spelt it) nudles, at 4:15 in the morning...
no where else in this world wud u find totla strangers spending the night with u(no bed thots)..in a camp fire with the only common factor binding the two of u being that both of u were feeling cold.....
The place was decked up its best with lights, decorations, colors and not to mention the gurls...
the shows kicked butt, for once Remo Fernandes was fun to listen to, Colonial cousins had the crowd go ga ga ga....
the only bad part....or do i say, the Worst part, the Rock show got cancelled...thanx to the Untimely demise of PV Narasimha Rao.....man the dude died with ppl cursing him...believe me...they did, atleast i did...
I took solace in the fact that I came down early to watch Parikrama, Slave, Zero and Prestorica practise backstage, thanx to IIT friends.
I take my word back, the IITians are not that bad after all.....infact they are the best when it come to arranging a party....Allright IITians, take a bow, U Rock!!!......
......if only for that Rock Show, U wud have Rocked even More

No Idea!

OK!..people are beginning to complain that my blog is not getting funnier by the day, how can it? I am slowly growin out of the humor phase and entering the more thot provoking and philosophical stage of life...a nice way to say that i am running out of humor...hmm but to keep thy loyal souls satisfied, me have come upp with a list of quotations and gaalis that u cud shower upon thy friend aand enemies alike.....Mind U use them at ur own risk. I will not be held responsible for the damage it causes to u.

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the
condom factory.

My wife is a sex object. Evertime I ask for sex, she
objects.

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".

There are only two four letter words that are
offensive to men - don't and stop, unless they are
used together.

Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best
thing on earth.

There are three stages to sex in a person's life: Tri
Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

Virginity can be cured.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a
good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer
were too small.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy
adultery? .

Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with
the enemy.

Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.
He was happy with the Hole and She was happy with the
Thing......

Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans
life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

Teacher: Use "harassment" in a sentence.
Johnny: Her mouth said 'no', but her ass meant 'yes'.

Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a
bitch sleeps with everyone except you.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact ?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer
virus, it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard
disk.

Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to
bed", many men still sleep with their wives !!!

Till I regain my bad joke syndromes, keep urself satisfied with this kinda stuff....where has my bad sense of humor gone to?...I have no freaking IDEA...actually, I use Hutch, so obviously there aint no freaking IDEA......aaaahhh, I can see signs of the Bad Joke sydrome comin back....Beware blogging community.....beware!!

Observation n Inference

I have some interesting Observations to blog about today! These deal with the regular daily life of people in hyderabad, their inquisitive nature, their inborn spy talents and ofcourse the Nawabi luxury of Time that they posses.
I was driving to college the other day via Tank Bund. As usual, some dude attempted his khudkhushi there. Wat was intersting is, even before the dude's body hit the water, a crowd had begun to jamafy out there. This UNcleji with a friend of his was right ahead of me. Guess what he does??? Stops his gaddi in the middle of the rroad(manages to put it on middle stand) and rushes to the other side to catch a glimpse of the Khudkhushi achieved soul!....If these people were out there to help him, I cud understand, but the sole reason for these people to be there is to satisfy their sadistic pleasures.....the crowd there manages to block the rescue team from entering in time too!
Observation 2 involves the biker dudes in town and the mahila urfff bahenjis in Autos. We hyderabadi's have this ever scratching itch to get a glimpse of the person sitting in an Auto. People on bikes will strain thy necks, people in cars will roll down the windows, and people in the bus will bend their backs to see who is inside an Auto. And god forbid, there happens to be a hot chick inside, then she is done for, they will stare at her and drool shamelessly till she gives em a piece of her mind! but Hot chick or no Hot chick, every Hyderabadi will make it a point ot seee who is inside an Auto. Gangstres and Wanted Criminals, be warned. Whatever u do, do not travel by Auto, cos this is the place where u r most likely to get noticed, what with people staring at you from every signal.
Observation3:: This happened today morning. I was asked to wash my Moms car cos it resembled an antique in more ways than one. So I leave my house with a hose in hand and a bucke full of soap n water. As I started washing the car, my Watchmans son came over n stood there lookin at me wash. This attracted his friend too, and slowly the crowd began growin. 10 minutes and the Bonnet and 2 windows later, I turn arnd to see that I had managed to pull a crowd of 7 people including the Waatchman himself, the Paperwallah, and the watchman from the neighbouring flat. I began getting concious here, and kept wondering why they were staring at me. Checked to see if my fly was open, but thank heavens that was secure too, i wasnt Naked(maybe that wud havbe scared them away)...What in the world was their problem????
They were there till I finished washing the car(the paper walla left early, reluctantly) nd when I went up, the crowd dispersed. It made me feel like I was doin an entertainment jig for them or was pole dancing or something....some people have all the time in the world. Mind You, None of the Assholes standing there offered to help me...me the poor sleepy soul!...in washing the car. All that they did was stand and stare....hmmm
I cud jus go on and on abt more observations but me also need to get to college. So I shall save the rest for another bloggin entry!
Have fun
Hang on who is in that Auto now....*Straining neck like it were a chewing gum*

[Burp] [yawn] [burp] [Yaaaaawn]

Another day in my life, quite an eventful one too. For starters, Succubus decided to treat me to a movvie at the IMAX....Young Black Cliched Stallion....the movie sucked!...so completely cliched with no twist whatsoever!...hmmm but i am not complaining, cos me saw it for free. Succubus has this soft spot for students, cos when she was one, she also craved for ppl to treat her...and I took full advanage of that!..
..adn then as the sun set in, a friend of mine suggested we spend some time at coffee day, and voila in five minutes time, me was munching on the choclate fantasy......ummm, and just as we left, I met this other friend of mine, Saurab who thot we cud do some talkin over a cup of coffee. So there I was again, this time with a cafe latte and a choclate fantasy!...I get home and realise that my parent are feeling guilty about they not spending enuf quality time with their children, and have decided for an evening dinner....Mainland China, here I come....
I ate so much food yesterday, My stomach almost achieved Orgasm...Burp!
and in the night, I meet Sita on Msn, and she like all the women who enter my life found my looks repulsive!....Plastic surgery Ahoy!....3 hours of chatting later, I amnaged to squeezze out 1 praise out of her, "U have a nice Blog"...mind u, this was said in a sentence where the other blogs she talked about were rated AWESOME....but this is the max I cud get out of her....hmmm...watever. NOw I need to get back and catch some sleep, was awake all night thanx to a multiplayer LAN Party that my insomniac friends who need no sleep proposed......yawn.......my stomach is rumbling again.....burp, Yawn....tooo many emotions, at a time!.....
P.S: Than q Succubus for the gr8 time(SOunds like another Cliched part...just like the Movie)...an for the others who are working, kindly take a hint and start treating us students regularly...after all we are also part of the fraternity....hmmm Yaaaaaaaaawn!!

Mess n Moms....do not mess with em!

My usually zen-like desk is not a pretty sight right now. I have 10 days worth of paperwork backlogs staring back at me. If only I know where to start demolishing these piles of paper that are getting as high as the Dark Tower of Mordor. People say I have excellent mental processes but when in comes to organizing paper, I say I am a complete dimwit. I am just another walking contradiction. Time Study materials, Practice Exercises, Brochures for i-pod, just plain litter, they all find a place in here. The other day when my Mom walked into my room, she threatened to disown me if I didnt clear the mess within an hour.
Destroying a ton of Useful Garbage in an Hour....sounds difficult....but then, I am used to the Impossible, difficult, is a walk in the park field....and that is exactly what I did, take a walk in the park, and wait for the Mom's Gussa to thandafy.
But Moms will be moms, and the gussa just revived when she came into my room for the second time(Gosh! there is no privacy in this house). and this time, she meant business.
As a temporary measure, I have managed to stuff the crap under my bed, where the visibility of garbage is low....but even this wont last for long, cos the maid is gonna complain when she comes sweeping.......I need help.
Any Kind hearted souls here who wud like to help me clear this mess?(Help me= U clear the mess, while me kick some ass on counter strike)
Anyone out there who is a whiz at unstuffing paper jams? Call me. I need your help.
This is not a Dame but a Dude in Distress........HELP HELP!!

MS doesnt neccesarily mean microsoft

Gave another B-school entrance exam today! SNAP, for the symbiosis Insti for Mass Communication....Hmm....the paper was quite an easy one...anything in comparison to the CAT is easy. The Verbal was a breeze as was the Logical ability, the General Awareness had me stumped, thanx to questions on the planning commission!phew....anyways, lets not talk abt it, am sure u ppl dont want to hear abt it too!
Wat else, M.S.Subbalakshmi is dead, not that I care, but my Grand Mom ws in total Sad face Mourning getup!...U wont believe this but I will say it anyway, When I first saw this CD of MS Subalakshmi on the rack, I thot this was an indian version of some software from microsoft...ala MS Word, MS Office, MS Subbalakshmi...hehehe
Bad Joke, I know....
I got my dose of Wired Magazine today from Abids, Picked them up from the Sunday Market at Abids...50 bucks each. I bot 3 of them...wud have bot more had i some moolah on me...;(
The coolest thing I read so far,
"Microsoft is copying us again, It feels great"
-Steve Jobs
Wat else, nothing else...I am running out of words......
I am running out of time......
I need some Music, i need some Metallica...Some Kind Of Monster!!
I need some Peace!

Who is Hot?

Finally, the now infamous dude, Ashray decided to treat us today. His plan, We go watch Musafir in the morning, have Lunch and spend the rest of the evening fragging each other at Reliance Web World.... the plan sounded interesting, like the promos of Musafir....so we all rogered that!
Stage#1: Prasads Multiplex Time:1:00PM
Waiting eagerly for the doors to open, never seen so many ppl at prasads multiplex. I mean of the entire population who goes to Prasads, only 1% end up watching movies, the others are there to stare at he chicks!..Finally the doors open n off v go, Musafir...promos reminded me of a holywood filck.
Well the Movie is a galaxy away from even a b-grade Hollywood fillm. The story is pathetic, the movie is cliched, Koena cant act,the director ran out of money to buy the femme clothes(who is complaining) Anil cant do a goon role and the director loses grip of the watever little story he had in the 2nd half.
Now for some Plus Points: Sameera reddy is hot
The editing is Slick, reminded me of Quentin Tarantino and Guy ritchie films.
The women are under dressed,
Sameera Reddy is Hot
Koena isnt given a long role...she is jus there to strip and sing..
Sameera reddy is Hot
Sanjay Dutt gets the Coll dialogues and trust him to deliver
Sameera reddy is Hot

Movie Finished, sar is pakaofyd, eyes are strainfied(all the staring I did at Sam), and the mouth is dryfied(with the drooling i did over Sam)....Im Hungry...Where do we go?
Cafe Oddesey is the place we chose(as usual)
had a good meal, lunch whatever...Pasta, Lasagna, Steak...and the food was attacked at like bhooka Bhediyas.
Moments of the Day:
#1: We made Mayank wait for over 15 minutes...Mayank wait!..I mean this guy has never ever been on time, even on the day of his marriage, I am sure his Dads gonna have to inform him that the mahurat is at 10:30 to have him seated by 12:30...But today, he was there on time...(Andy tol him to report at 11:00 n he came by 12:00, when we were supposed to meet at 12:30) thanq Andy
#2: We realised Mayank has a waist of 40 thanx to the sticker that he forgot to peel off his brand new Levis!...lol
#3 Ashray had 500 bucks in the morning and now he has none
cant think of anything else......ok one last time
Sameera Reddy is Hot.
over n out

Viva (whywah..not veevaa)

Finished my practicals to day...phew what a relief. The programming on the comp was a breeze, thanx to the geeks saving all the possible programs that cud appear in the eggjam on the server. All I had to do was ctrl+c and Ctrl+v...for the lesser known mortals(read my classmates), this is the shortcut key for copy and paste.
What bogged me down was the Viva part. Viva(pronounced whywah and not veevaa, veevaa was the first Channel V pornstar...oops popstar)..Viva are the most decisive part of the practical exam, this is where the examiner segregates the haves from the have nots.....and this is where meri chori pakdi jaati....
But me being the immortal god of blabber, tried to talk my way through the Viva..wwhether it worked or not, only the results will say.
q1: What is a garbage collector?
my ans: Someone who is out to do social service or someone who performed badly at coll and ended up workin with the MCH
Examiner= bewildered

q2: What is a dirty call in java?
my ans: system.out.println("Fuck off bitch");
examiner=Fuming

and finally out of desperation
q3: Ok baba!...atleast ell me who wrote C?
my ans: lemme think, if I am not wrong, it was spectrum publications...no I think I saw Rahul Publications too....oh what an ass I am, they only published C,...the Author was Yashwant Kanetkar....bingo
Yashwant Kanetkar wrote C

Examiner= missing
Last seen, my H.O.D was lookin for her all over the city...well i think i fared fairly well, I mean I did answer all the questions dint I...whether I pass or not, only time wil tell...oh no!...Even the examiner can tell...probably U can too...hehehe

P.S: that ad on TV about minto fresh..."mahila ko karna ho impress to khaoo minto fresh" doesnt work...Impress to door ki baat, she got supressed, oppressed and depressed! ...these Ads I tell u!

Its Time

"I recommend biting off more than you can chew I certainly do."
-Alanis Morissette

I wish I never listened to that advice because right now I'm having mental indigestion. So much for my inability to say NO and I mean, a resounding, echoing NO to more commitments, promises, goals, extra work and other things that I believe I can deliver. Now that I've refocused my life's lenses, a lot of the things that I used to think were important suddenly end up looking so insignificant and not really worth doing at all. Time to get rid of the superman complex, time to stop Studying, time to stop staring at girls and actually go and ask them out....its Time to be Rohit

I really can't be everything to everyone, sometimes even to myself.

21 ...anyone?

How does it feel to be 21? Young. Free. Invincible. My favorite seat in the mall is still the escalator. My favorite outfit in the world is still my beat up Levis and my old ratty college tee-shirt. I still rock out to that Gen-X anthem "Loser" by Beck. Some things never change.

Except my perspective. By now I can say it from my guts, older is definitely cooler, wiser, stronger, sexier. Can't wait to be 22
So much to do, so much to see.
So what's wrong with taking the backstreets?
You'll never know if you don't go.
You'll never shine if you don't glow.
Smash Mouth

Thought Provoking French quotations!

What is the first thing u learn when u start learning a Language?
No not Datatypes...maan u computer geeks are total shmucks...wake up, language refers to English, Hindi French....
So whats the first thing you learn when u start learning a language?
yess u guessed it right, Gaalis....ateast I do.
2 years of frnch classes later, all i know is Foutrez vous...which i am not too sure is right as well.
But today I caught up with an old pal of mine and we drew up some real good french gaalis. So next time someone frags u with a pistol, some chick refuses to accept the Rose u gave her or when the Canteen Dude..asks for the money, U know what to say...
Here is the list of the real cool French gaallis....

Votre femme a sentir comme des chaussette de ma grand'mere avec fromage bleu .
Your wife smells like my grandmother's socks with blue cheese.
Ok so this is not gaalis...these are just meaningful, thought provoking sentences u make when u randomly flip thru a french dictionary...so here are more of them...

Sa montagne n'as pas un urinoir.
This moutain has no urinal.

Combien pour la couche de ton signe.
How much for your monkey's diaper

Si-vous plait, ne eterneuez pas, j'avais oublier mon parapluie chez moi.
Please, do not sneeze, i left my umbrella at home.

All u blessed souls with a french dic...(short for dictionary u perverts), please add to our collection. Post them as a comment, or simply mail em to me.
mad_toothbrush@hotmail.com
who knows we might just end up publishng them....first, lemme go meet my French maam!
This lady had this habit of saying wierd things...One day when she realisd that children in her class cudnt speak french, she decided to make the students read the book out loud.
Guess how she said it....OK children, cos u ppl suck badly, let us do it orally....
Y am I saying this? ;)
Believe me it is purely Pun INtended...ROFL!!!

HBM II...an experience

Friends, country men, bloggers...I wake up on the 4th morning and find this comment on my blog , inviting me to the hyderabad bloggers meet...hmm....I thought...5PM Barista Banjara Hills it said...and at around 5 PM, Iwas supposed to be around the Banjara Hills side. So I thot why not give it a shot...So voila, at 5:45 Sharp(hyderabadi after all), I was there alng with 2 other friends of mine(Andy n Ash).
Scene #1:
Me enter Barista and find a large group of ppl assembled at one side of the coffee house and having the time of their lives.
Andy:Dude....R u sure u wanna go there...i mean we don look like we are invited...
Ashray:I have a headache ...Y dont v just go home
Me:Lets buy a coffee and spy on these ppl, lest shud they be dangerous...
Andy:Roger That.
So off we go to order coffee.
Scene #2:
At the counter:
Me: Is that thing the HBM 2?
Counter Dude: Yes, it is...r u with them sir
Andy: Nope !
Me:Is the coffee free if we r with them?
Counter Dude:...(Glares)...no sense of humor
Andy: 1 brisssta choco n 1 brista frappe
Counter Dude:168 bucks sir
Me: Flash my debit card..whcih has an AC balance that aint worth mentioning
Counter Dude: Sorry sir we dont accept debit cards...
(Lightning strikes, thunder roars....)
Me:Wheere is the closest ATM?
Counter Dude: No Idea.....(Still carrying dirty looks)
blah blah blah...we finally end up finding an ATm and getting cash out to pay for our coffee.

Scene #3
me:i think it is time to meet up with these guys...
Andy:Roger that
Ashray:I have a headache ...Y dont v just go home
Me: walk upto the group n say...Is this the HBM II?(As if I didnt know)
they:Yup budy, welcome to HBM II
Blah blah blah...
met some really interesting people.
Met this Femme who went to CAT classes and did as bad as I did in the CAt
Met this fellow Keralite who I guess speaks as bad a Malayalam as I do.
Also met some pro bloggers who have been blogging for 2 years..whew!
the usual stuff hapened, snaps were taken, blabber was exchanged...the most interesting point to note were the number of Sony digital cameras out there..almost ll the cameras that flashed were Sony ones...Akio Morita is smiling.....and then finally the inevitable happened.
Ashray:I have a headache ...Y dont v just go home
So we decided to push off lest shud ashray start cribbing again abt his %$%^$#.
Rohit:Bye, dude...it was a pleasure meeting u ppl
Andy:Bye, dude...it was a pleasure meeting u ppl
Ashray:I have a headache ...Y dont v just go home
and we left.
Moral of the story: MOst of the hyderabadi bloggers are working, more than 24 years old, and have a serious attatchment with their blogs
p.s: i was informed before i leave that if u r a student blogger and not an earning member like the majority of the ones there(Oracle, Wipro, Delloite...n what not)..then u can order what u like and not worry abt the bill...U dont need to pay.
Had this been mentioned before, me wudnt have gone lookin for an ATM!!!...and at 21 years of Age, we were among the youngest bloggers out there!

Male Chauvinist Persona

Men sometimes crack their skulls trying to figure out the women. What on earth goes on in the minds of the female of the species? "Does he like me?"
"Will he call?"
"Does he love me?" I have no freaking idea. Trying to decode the brain of the opposite sex can be an agonizing ordeal. Look at us Men..what do u think goes on in this mind?"Beer
Boobs
Basketball"

Strangely, women will resort to desperate measures to hopefully get an answer from the ether : plucking flower petals ("he loves me, he loves me not"), consulting tarot readers or tea readers in Guangzhou. Scissor, paper, stone?

It takes a man to knock some sense into the otherwise delusional mindset of women.
I am waiting for that to happen.
As u wud have guessed by now, a particular sect of the female species has pissed me off....and this is my retaliation.
This is me at my Chauvinist best!!!

[Hair] Cut

I entered the shedding phase today, and got rid of a major chunk of my hair....on the head mind you. My Mom tried her best to persuade me not ot cut my hair, My Grandmom threatened me with no more desserts if the hair were to be cut and my sister...well she was the only one who understands fashion in this house of philosophers......but I , living in the world of George Bush, who takes no heed to the UN, Decided to go ahead with the haircut.
Scene #2 Place:Evlas Salon
kich kich kich kach kich kich kich....no this is not an ad for Vicks, this is the noise I heard at the saloon. 35 minutes into the haircut, i open my eyes and .......[Shocked Expression]........where the F#$W is my hair?...Ok I can see something here and some here as well....I kinda liked the haircut, but what scaredme was the fact that 20 minutes from now, I wud have to face my Mom!!....The haircut was like that of a NDA cadet, and to top it all, I was wearing Combat Pants...so each time I passed those Gates in Sainikpuri(Allahabad Gate, AOC gate etc...) I wud receive a half a Salute from the jawans.....
Scene #3
Me: Knock knock,
Mom: Who is there
Me: hep dude!
Mom:Hep Dude who?
Me: Hep dude Me, Sunny!
Mom:What the H$%# have u done with ur hair???[shrieks]
[Sounds of a Sniper gun Loading]
Mom: Bhaag beta...aaj tujhe is goli se sirf tumhare pair bacha sakte hain
Me:........Wat dyu think I wud risk it standing there?...after all My She is a counter strike players Mom...and the Magnum can do enough damage no matter where it hits

Last seen, Robert Rodriguez spotted me running and decides to cast me for his next film...Run Rohit Run...in Hindi...Bhaag Rohit Bhaag....
p.s: Run Lola Run in Hindi was called Curfew btw...and it starred Nandita Das...and was one of the F$%%^^$ films I have ever seen!