There is no such thing as too much of chocolate and too many women!!

Sunday, October 31, 2004

Manifesto

"It is through the invincibility of words that I free myself from the ball and chain of reality. Writing is my Prozac, my Kryptonite, my stimulant and depressant, my redemption and my deliverance. Without it life is cold and damp, a godforsaken land of white sepulchers entombing the living. Life stirs life into words. Words stir life into life.

My words will be ferocious when my heart is ablaze, subtle and caressing when my soul is at peace. Like watermarks or cigarette burns, they will be shy or relentlessly ruthless. I will awkwardly fumble with the lenses of life, enjoy shutter plays and objects flirting in my peripheral vision. I will wait for shadows to lengthen and patiently sit by the river. Fury will be poetic, candor will be my ardor, hope will be a floating cannonball, and happiness, a tulle of stars."

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Friday, October 29, 2004

Happy Budday Satish....U r now official 80 years old...Thy can now command a senior citizen respect Posted by Hello

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Tuesday, October 26, 2004

SOLUTION SELLING

A keen immigrant Indian lad(U can call him Rohit) applied for a salesman's job at a London's premier downtown department store. Infact it was the Biggest store in the world - you could get anything there.
The boss asked him,"Have you ever been a salesman before?"
"Yes, I was a salesman in India", said the lad.
The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you."

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5:00 came around.
The boss duly came up and asked, "How many Sales did you make today?".
"One" said the young salesman.
"Only one?" blurted the boss, "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a
day.
How much was the sale worth??."
"Three hundred thousand, three hundred and thirty four pounds" said the young Indian.

"How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.
"Well", said the salesman, "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one.

I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagon probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser"

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment,
"You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?".

"No" answered the salesman, "he came in to buy a box of Sanitary napkins for his wife and I said to him, 'Your weekend's screwed, you may as well go fishing.'"

THAT IS SOLUTION SELLING !!!

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Monday, October 25, 2004

Vicco Vajradanti :: Test of T.I.M.E

Perhaps the only other entity that can match Vicco 'Vajradanti' toothpaste and skin cream when it comes to standing the test of time, is Jyoti Basu.

Of course, most of you who have ever watched TV have surely watched the distasteful spectacle that are Vicco advertisements. I would like to find out who it is that gets allured by close-ups of the human jaw, with shreds of an apple bite hanging from the sides. Or an extremely unphotogenic old man with an unsymmetric moustache chewing off cud from a length of sugarcane, his saliva on the verge of dripping out of a crevice in between his lips. Or perhaps a wound on the hairy knee of some fat bugger who looks like an actor from a B-grade South Indian movie.

Yet, these advertisements have been running on TV and Cinema Halls since decades. Be it Prasads in hyderabad or Jyoti talkies in Bihar, no movie is complete without visuals of human anatomy from distasteful angles. Much mind-bogglingly, their stuff sells.
And I think I can cut a career in advertising leaarning fom the likes of Piyush Pandey and Tarsem....what a loser i am....Shakeela baby, here i come...

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Saturday, October 23, 2004

gloBal wArming

"I am so hot...that scientists have attributed me as the sole reason for Global warming"
- Rohit(ehem...male libido speaking)

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This is funny Posted by Hello

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Tuesday, October 19, 2004

.....................There should be a better way to start a day
than waking up every morning................
[yAwn]

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if wishes were horses......

hello people,
I know it has been quite some time since i have put in anything sensible into this page. Come to think of it there ait no nothing that is sensible on this blog ever since i started writing it. So lets get on with it.
I wonder as i sit here what is the one thing I want the most......
is it the all new X800 graphics card from ATI
...is it the new porsche gt2 that has just been launched in india
or is just a girl???
Yeah I know...I have always found women more attractive than cars o computer games...but the problem u c is at the other end.
I jus dont understand y women find me so repulsive???
Anybody with a solution to ma problem know where to find me...
....no, not at the irls college....
jus mail in the solution to me...or post it as a comment...
But Y me???
hngin the line finally...
over n out
Burp

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Thursday, October 14, 2004

How's the wAr been working For yoU

"I heard about a woman whose son had returned from Iraq. The boy's father was gone; he was the only family she had. The son had been wounded, badly, and his leg had been amputated above the knee. They'd had trouble obtaining a prosthetic. The boy felt a burden. He was dependent on his mother. He was traumatized by what he'd seen, traumatized by what he'd done, and couldn't imagine his future.

He killed himself a few days ago.

Parenting advice. Indeed.

So George. How's that war been working for you?"

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Sunday, October 10, 2004

TabbEd brOwsinG...

Loyalty is not a virtue when it comes to shampoo, hairdressers and web browsers. There's the problem of buildup.

I've put up with Internet Explorer for so long despite its awkward functionality and its inability to open a million windows in one sitting. I can only limit myself to browsing 5 windows simultaneously or else I'd get some annoying alert message that the fucking browser wants to shut down.

To solve this annoyance, I've switched to browsers that use tabs.yes, you guessed it right, I have now moved on to firefox. Viewing a gazillion windows is now as easy as flipping a picture book.
I guess people were right, open source is not that bad after all.

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Saturday, October 09, 2004

Constipated happiness

An ancient venerable sage once said that happiness is simply the absence of sadness. If you do not feel sadness, therefore you are happy. That's how things are in a universe that exists in polarities. If you feel neither sad or happy, perhaps you are constipated or need serious thawing. Ancient sage recommends that the systematic elimination of sadness is the foolproof way to achieving lasting happiness.

The definition of happiness ideally should be unmarred by the dogmas of so-called happiness spin doctors. Unfortunately, media portrays happiness in a strange, unattainable way. Happy people are often depicted as having seizures of some kind and passing out due to sheer bliss and rapture! If you feel miserable in the morning because you did not wake up frothing at the mouth with ecstasy don’t despair. Leave ecstasy to would be saints.

At this point this is where emotional calibration is needed. The moment you wake up in the morning, bask in a Calvin and Hobbes moment. Acknowledge sadness. Accept happiness. Fight constipation. Decide.

After all, happiness much like love is a decision.

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Wednesday, October 06, 2004

The 'K' Fixation

Let me clarify it for the 176th and the last time. I know that sarcasm is spelt with a ‘c’ and not with a ‘k’. I have been bombarded with mails from a lot of Shakespeare’s in the making about this big blunder I made. But let me tell all u William Wordsworth ke bhatije’s and Enid Blyton ke bhatijis, what you are seeing here has been deliberate. What surprises me is that most of the people who mail me about this are Indians (my fellow citizens).I woud have understood if the firangis objected to this ‘K’ fixation of mine but you Hindustanis of all people comment about me using a ‘K’ instead of the C?
I mean just look around you, everybody from Ekta Kapoor to Rakesh Roshan has this. Numerology they say…but I keep wondering what Alphabets have got to do with numerology. 80% of the Soap Operas on TV start with a K. Kahaani Ghar ghar ki..., Kasauti Zindagi Ki…etc. I had been waiting for the time to come when we run out of names starting with k to see what ekta kapoor would do. But alas we have some real creative brains running our Numerology division…guess what her latest Soap I called. “K street pali Hill” This is the height of Kreativity. Where in the world will u hear of titles like these?
This K fixation has been existent in this society for a real long time. The point is that people believe if a particular alphabet proves lucky to you and makes you a hit, then starting all further projects with that particular alphabet will give you a similar success. No matter what bullshit you have filled into those Soaps u make. And believe me it works. How else can u see a dumb soap like Kahani Ghar ghar ki work wonders when it comes to TRP ratings? A soap where the good Bahu (Daughter in law) has been thrown out of the house innumerable number of times, a soap where every character with a grey shade comes with his/her own personalized background score….Jesus Christ. God save the Telly.
By now I guess I have justified the name I have given to my blog. U r right, I am also looking for the big break. I am waiting for my blog to be a hit. And that is the sole reason for it being called SARKARSM.
The ‘k’ fixation….they call it. Huh

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Tuesday, October 05, 2004

The worst Day of mY lifE

Yes it has happened. What I feared of the most has happened. The worst day of my life is over(I hope so).
No, I was not hit by a truck
No, I was not stabbed by a maniac
No, I was not thrown out of college
No, my pants were not on fire either.
It is worse than anybody could ever imagine.
Actually it is so bad that I am beginning to feel worse now.
This is it.
The time has come.
I have to protest.
I want every body reading this to maintain two minutes of silence in memory of this fateful day.











I am sure many of you are dying to know what makes this day so fateful!
R u sure you want o hear this?
No, I think I would rather not relive that whole moment again.
I don’t think I want to write about what happened, it still gives me the creeps.
Oh what a nightmare it has been!
I hope this never happens to me again.
Oh! The woRst dAy of mY lifE

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Monday, October 04, 2004

Oops they Did it agAin (MSN Messenger7 Leaked)

Microsoft have done i again. they have sucessfully managed to leak their product well before the launch date.
First it was the Longhorn Operating system which began to find its place in most computers in south east asia even before their own boss Bill Gates had a preview of it.
Now it is the turn of Msn Messenger7.0....supposed to be out only by the end of next week, it ahs fond its way on he net thanx to our hardcore anti microsoft dudes...nothin great about it though.(As if any of microsoft updates are anything to write home about anyway...) U can find the download to this over here

the patch for this is also available now...download them by clicking here
Right ho then...me gtg...had a real hectic day and need some rest...Gud Nite.....and just before lemme say this once again
"Hail Microsoft"

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Sunday, October 03, 2004

Family Problems??....Huh!

This is a really nice and famous anecdote which i stumbled upon after about 2 years now.
A must read for all those who think they know it all about Relationships

"You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation."
"A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter. We got
married and got myself a stepdaughter. Later, my father married my
stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter, my step-mother, and my father
became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her
father-in-law."
"Much later the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy
was my half-brother because he was my father's son. But he was also the
son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son. That made
me the grand-father of my half-brother."
"This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister of
my son, my stepmother, is also the Grandmother. This makes my father,
the brother-in-law of my child, whose step-sister is my father's wife, I
am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my
son is my father's nephew and I am my OWN GRANDFATHER!"
"And you think you have FAMILY PROBLEMS!!!"

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Saturday, October 02, 2004

I Wonder Why!!!!

I wonder why war starts at the drop of a topi and peace takes so excruciatingly long.
I wonder why egg yolks don’t obey me when I fry them
I wonder why my teachers cant imagine the time when they were students when giving Assignments
I wonder why people think that by killing a bunch of innocent children, their religious beliefs are strengthened
I wonder why all the girls I fall in love with end up having a stronger and (in most cases) better looking boyfriend
I wonder why I am learning the formula to determine the radius of the circle covering a triangle that is having an angle of sin37.5 degrees.
I wonder why I am writing this stupid post with so many why’s than the “tell me why” book has in itself.
I wonder why people are actually bothered about what my next why wonder is going to be.
I wonder why this article can’t just come to an end....
I just fail to wonder why.......... Posted by Hello

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